Now before you cut me, let me explain my title. Firstly, my heart goes out to Keshia and Ed at this very delicate and painful time in their lives. I understand what they are going through, and I know it is not easy.
I am the author of the book 24 & Divorced. I wrote this book because I unfortunately became part of the rising statistic of young married couples that got divorced within a year of marriage. After listening to the interviews of Keshia and Ed it was clear to see that there was mass miscommunication between what they both individually wanted and when they actually wanted it. Keshia stated that she wanted a child, which is a beautiful and natural desire for a lady to have. However, even though Ed wanted children it seems as if their individual time scales were not lining up.
I wrote my book 24 and Divorced because I wanted to help couples of all ages avoid the many marital landmines that lay hidden in the battlefield of love. To stop couples from making the same mistakes that Keshia, Ed or myself made I created “The Tough Ten”. These are a list of the top tough ten questions you ask yourself and your partner before you say “I DO”. One of the multi-level questions that is on The Tough Ten list to ask your partner is, “Do you want children? How many do you want? WHEN do you want to have them? Are you open to adopting if we can’t have children naturally?”
These Tough Ten questions will assure a couple that they are on the same page and have a clear understanding of what they can expect out of their relationship. To put it frankly, if I had “The Tough Ten” before I got married, I simply would not be divorced right now. To Keshia and Ed I hope that you both take the time to let your hearts heal properly. I hope that you will also spread the word about “The Tough Ten” so that we can fight against this rising rate of divorce together. I wish you both well, especially you Keshia as you are with child and your health is priority.
THE TOUGH TEN are as follows:
1) Are you healed, whole and completely over all other past relationships?
2) Am I ready to commit to this one person sexually for the rest of my life?
3) Can you see yourself raising children with this person?
4) Do you want to have children? How many children do you want? When would you like to start having children? Are you open for adoption if we can’t have children naturally?
5) What faith/ belief system will we practice in our home?
6) Have we been completely honest about all of our medical issues, financial debts and personal fears?
7) Do our life goals and financial spending habits align?
8) Who will be our agreed mediator if we can not come to terms on certain marital issues?
9) Does this person bring out the best in me? Do I bring out the best in my partner?
10) Under what circumstances do you/ we feel that divorce is an option?