Everything I learned about Space Exploration from ‘Alien Covenant’

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Alien Covenant

In the 6th installment of this documentary series that has now been out for over two weeks, I learned a lot. From who to go with and how to grieve. Alien: Covenant even taught me how to love again (right after narrowly escaping a planet where your entire crew died.)

Communication is Keyyy….

Communication is a key to most things in life and especially in space. Case and point, when one of your fellow crew members is crying and screaming over the radio that you need to get back to the ship, definitely give them that passive-aggressive treatment.

Don’t trust the guy who lives outside an above ground graveyard.

“Oh wow what a lovely open concept, I love this take on traditional graveyards, who was your designer?”

When you arrive at a strange planet, where people’s chests are exploding for no valid reason, probably not a good time to relax. Matter of fact, here’s a list of things not to do when you’re a house guest on a mysterious planet:

  • Take a bath
  • Walk by yourself
  • Have alone time with the creepy robot who plays the flute
  • Having a heart to heart
  • Literally, don’t do anything, you shouldn’t be there

Everyone is expendable.

Alien

When your S.O, whom you have agreed to move across the galaxy with to start a new life with, dies tragically half way there, you’ll get over it pretty quickly. If your S.O blows up with the only way off this galactic hell-hole, just sit back relax and get lost in the flames.

If a robot can do it for you, just do it yourself.

Alien 2

Yes, the old saying “if you want something done tight, you’ve got to do it yourself,” reigns true as even in the future. Also, don’t bother with mask’s or helmets, if you want to get samples of the native shrubbery, go for it.

When humanoid robots are available to safely do a quick inspection of the planet maybe go for it. Because, not even two hours into their excursion, two crew members were seriously sickened and later disturbingly died. Either in the future

Probably not the best place to look for alone time and self-reflection.

Something that may come quite easy on an empty* planet isn’t always something that you should do. You know, it’s a late night and you’ve almost died more than a few times. For this reason, it’s understandable that you may need to go for a walk. However, just so you know, if you at any point feel the urge to turn around, don’t do it. You have three options here and turning won’t be one of them if you want to make it out alive.

  1. Just take your gun, point it behind you, and shoot until you run out of bullets.
  2. Just straight run, you more than likely won’t be able to go blow for blow with a giant spider-like monster that can climb walls and is roughly double your size.
  3. Play Opossum and call it a day.

That’s it, that’s all you can do.

Smoke em’ if you got them.


Just got to a planet you’ve never been too before? Have no idea what the environment is like? Go ahead and light that Cigar man, we’re chilling, just the first known human contact with this distant planet. While this may be dangerous, you only live once so who cares.

Don’t trust anyone!

Alien 4

Whether it be your helpful Android ‘Walter’ or your crew member that you’ve asked to get the med-bay ready, you have to put yourself number one. When your friend is being attacked by an Alien inside their chest, they’re not going to be thinking about how you’re going to be doing when that thing gets out. There’s only one rule in space, only care about yourself. You’ve only had one real friend in space, and that’s you.

Final Notes:

  • Don’t go to space. (On the other hand, it could be fun!)
  • Go to space for the adventure and the money which seems to be lucrative…You decide!

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