What the f**k bro?!
This statement led to a conversation that drastically changed my relationship with women. Yes, I was that bro who rightfully got called out after uttering yet another unconscious demeaning statement directed at women. Buried within accepted cultural vernacular I failed to hear my voice as one of many, contributing to a chorus of constructive constraints that prevented feminine energy from prospering. Once willfully negligent, now I seek an opportunity to forward a conversation in honor of the divine feminine, a conversation I especially want to share with my bros.
The bro code is something we have all heard about at one point or another in our lives, it’s that unspoken code of conduct which governs our thoughts, actions, and deeds when “hanging with the boys.” The bro code is a mentality that if left unchecked will continue to skew our perspective of reality to our detriment, which is why after being called out, I made the decision to elevate my personal bro code of conduct. I became aware that hidden deep within the code is a language abundant with nuanced prejudices, subtle and pervasive, who’s very purpose seems to be the complete subversion and emasculation of feminine power and energy.
Most of us fail to recognize the damaging consequences our demeaning dialects on the women in our lives. Primitive group thinking inspires urges and utterances that degrade feminine energy towards the code’s lowest common denominator, an object of sexual satisfaction. Brute creations expose our weak-minded ignorance while denying the other sex an opportunity for authentic self-expression. After one too many slurs I finally came to and realized that all this time I’ve been hiding behind a shield of profanities to conceal my vulnerabilities, fearful of that same feminine energy which resides deep within my masculine psyche.
After one particularly profound conversation, I came to the conclusion that I, the bro, acted out in such a manner because I lacked the appropriate self-awareness to properly understand, let alone respect, this supremely powerful force. Imagine the confusion that ensues within the masculine upon discovering that he is the very source from which this enigmatic energy is born. Luckily I was able to turn confusion into curiosity, and through further study, I realized that in order to create a happy, healthy and harmonious life, I must first understand and balance both the male and female energies that reside within my being.
These opposing yet complementary energies exist within each and every one of us and our unique combination of these influences gives rise to the nature of our character. It is helpful to know that masculine energy is not exclusively limited to males, just as feminine energy is not limited entirely to females. There are countless examples of men all over the world who exude a strong feminine side, as well as women who embody strong masculine qualities. Within each of us is a broad spectrum of potential energies available to us upon which we draw, depending on a particular situation and what we feel is the appropriate response in the moment.
I woke up on the far edge of this spectrum, embodying a hyper-masculine bro mentality. In this state of confusion, I made every effort to degrade that which I ultimately desired, but didn’t fully understand. Slowly I was able to soften this aggressive posture and by lying down my shield, I gave myself permission to explore a healthy natural expression of my feminine self. I have found it challenging for the masculine to embrace the many strengths available within feminine energy, such as empathy, thoughtfulness, and emotional vulnerability. After finding the courage to let go of my constraints and nurture these forces, I came to see how those who fear the feminine have been denied the feminine, for if they truly understood its power, they would rightly accept it.
With the long overdue Time’s up and #Metoo movements currently shaking up the power structures of old, the time has arrived for us to change our code of conduct and take responsibility for our destructive discourse. In denying ourselves a healthy relationship to our emotions, feelings, thoughts, and fears, we stifle the healing of emotional trauma our unconscious actions have brought upon us. One bro at a time we can create a new paradigm of accountability by holding ourselves to the highest standards of our heterogeneous identities. In doing so, we can heal and empower the divine feminine within ourselves and bring greater harmony and compassion to a turbulent world.
Written by: Joseph De La Cruz, co-author of, Paths to Pachamama.